Today I Feel "Sad"

Maybe sad isn't the right word. It's almost right. To be more specific, I feel like someone dumped a warm bucket of sad over my head, and it's running down my face and body. All I want to do is cry.

We've been here at m-i-l's since the first of February. We moved from Colorado Springs to Denver. It's only about an hour drive, but sometimes it feels like we've moved across country (which is both good and bad). We moved here for financial reasons, yes; but mostly to take time out in an attempt to save our marriage. Hubby didn't work for the first few months, instead we worked on rebuilding intimacy and trust. I think it was a good decision. However, as soon as he returned to work, m-i-l began charging rent. I finally stood up to her and told her that we would only be paying $500 a month (instead of the $200 every Friday that she was requesting). But still, it feels as if we are trapped here.

I'm not very HOLY most of the time. I hope you all know that. I have moments of pure selfishness, just like anyone. I think that the circumstances of my life have caused me to grow, beyond my years, in this area, but there are two silly things that I really want...just for me.

First, you may remember that I gave my wedding band to the snowplow driver in mid-February. We had pawned my $3000 engagement ring months before. We only received $300 for it, but Hubby assured me that he would buy it back (from the pawn/loan shop) before our rights expired. Of course, we didn't have a dime in the bank when the final day rolled around. My dad offered to rescue it for me, but I remember saying something like, "NO! Let that meaningless piece of !@!# rot where it is!" I don't regret that decision, because the sight of it was only bringing me pain. But, if we are starting over, I get a new ring, right??! I know, it's a silly girl thing, but maybe, just maybe, I'm a silly girl!

All of these are from Wal-Mart. I'm not THAT silly. I just want something pretty, not something that cost a months salary or more. These would cost Hubby anywhere from two days to a week's pay.

Which one do you like?

And yeah, I'm just attempting to cheer myself up. I will probably NOT mention any of this to Hubby.

1

2

3

4

5

6

The other thing I want is almost too expensive and frivolous to admit. But I'm attempting to be REAL here. Despite my previous rant that dripped of self-confidence, two sets of twins (unless you have carried multiples you cannot quite fathom the damage) in less that seventeen months has left me almost frozen with self-doubt when it comes right down to physical intimacy with Hubby (Clothes on, and I'm great. Clothes off, and oooff). I am convinced that the solution is a very much needed tummy tuck. And, after cruising before and after pics tonight, I am more convinced than ever. But, I thought that it would cost a couple of thousand (which is already completely unattainable). In reality, they can cost anywhere from $3000 to $10,000! *Sigh* I'll be so old it won't matter before we can afford that!

It looks like I'm going to have to learn how to be happy with a naked ring finger, and a belly that should never be naked. But, you know what, I think I might settle for a husband that really knew how to love me. I'm too tired to go into this tonight. No, don't worry, Hubby is not acting out. We're just not connecting like we should. I'm feeling very lonely, and yes, sad.

Comments

[Jennifer F.]

I love #6.

It's funny, I'm frequently complimented on the beautiful "diamond" wedding band I wear. Got it for $22 at Kohl's. :)

So sorry you're feeling down.

[Sarah]

Jen,

Number 6 is one of my faves too;)! You know, last night we were grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, and I looked at the jewelry while Hubby looked at watches. They do have some REALLY pretty fake ones there too! I just want Hubby to think to get me something. I think I'd be pretty happy with whatever he thought to pick out.

[Inceparittancexia]

alnenrugbtqnqewhwell, hi admin adn people nice forum indeed. how's life? hope it's introduce branch ;)