For a few minutes before bed last night, Hubby read to me out of the book of Matthew. When he got to the part about Jesus (and then Peter) walking on the water, we paused, and had a pretty interesting discussion.
The first thing that stood out to me was chapter fourteen, verses thirteen and fourteen. I'm adopting these as "the Mommy passage".
"When Jesus heard what had happened [the murder of John the Baptist], he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."
It comforts me to know that my Savior also wished to withdraw from the world when faced with extreme sadness. Just as comforting might be the fact that this solitude was not always possible, not even for my Lord.
But, I digress, the passage we spent time discussing are verses twenty-seven through thirty-one.
"But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
From Hubby's perspective, we should never need to cry out, "Lord, save me!" Not that we never should, but he feels that doing so implies a level of doubt. If we are truly trusting God, we should rest easy in the knowledge that he has everything under control, and we are not responsible for reminding him to do anything. Of course, Hubby agrees that prayer is essential to the Christian walk, but maybe the panicked out-cry is not. I don't know. I came away from the passage with something much more self-centered.
Jesus rebuked the only one who had enough faith to get out of the boat! No, "Atta-boy Peter! Good effort!"
Amidst the revelation of the storm that was my husband's addiction, I so clearly heard the voice of my Lord, calling to me, and commanding me to take courage. I obeyed. With tremendous peace, I stepped out of the boat and began to walk in faith, trusting God to work a miracle. Now, and many times since that initial moment of obedience, I have begun to sink. I cry out to God, and he is faithful. But then comes the rebuke.
Doesn't God know how hard this journey is? Doesn't he know how much he is asking from me. Aren't I doing the best that I can? I mean, hey, at least I got out of the boat! Doesn't that count for anything?
Comments